mediation now - family mediation, childrens mediation and civil mediation

 

mediation now news

New Offices Opening

 

We are delighted to announce the opening of two new dedicated offices.  We will be opening in Fareham in the prestigious Cams Hall development from 1st September, serving clients in the Fareham, Portchester, West Portsmouth and Gosport.  The telephone line is already open for bookings, on 01329 232114.

 

The Petersfield office opens a month later on 1st October and gives the current Petersfield operation more space.  The telephone number for bookings is 01730 266605, and until 1st October clients will continue to be seen from the Lyndum House premises.

 

In common with all our offices, we will continue to offer both private and legally aided sessions, as well as Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings.

 

Please see the contact us page for the full postal address and directions.

 

 

Life Coaching with B2B

 

“We’ve joined forces with a specialist Life Coach and Consultancy service called b2b Management to offer clients an additional option to help with new decisions and ultimately to help them move forward with their new circumstances positively” Claire Webb, Director and Mediator.
Just as a coach (in its original meaning) is a form of transportation, your coaching session is a way of getting from where you are now to where you want to be. Coaching is future-focused, meaning that while we acknowledge the past for what it can teach us, we set our sights clearly on the future that you want to build for yourself.

Life and Business coaching can:

Life coaching involves understanding what you really want out of life and putting in place positive actions which lead to these goals. Life coaching tends to concentrate on areas such as wealth, personal success, relationships and personal ambitions.


Business Coaching shares many characteristics with life coaching. The difference tends to be that the focus is on business life. Perhaps you or your staff need coaching to fulfil your potential in a new role. Maybe you are looking to clarify and communicate your vision for your business, or to set powerful goals that are in line with your deeper values.

 

The business is owned and run by Neil Hawkins, who has much experience in coaching, mentoring and management training.  He works with individuals and business both locally and nationally. 


As a member of the EMCC ( European Mentoring and Coaching Council ) Neil offers an appropriate service to varying client needs, and provides confidence in the professional manner in which it is undertaken.


Read more about Neil here or visit the b2b website here.

 

Sessions last around an hour and cost £50, or they can be purchased in blocks at discounted rates.  We also offer one group sessions per month at our Petersfield office, which involves two 2 hour sessions. 

 

If you think you could benefit from a relaxed and informal chat about the future, please contact Claire Webb on 01243 377426 or email Claire@mediation-now.co.uk to make a reservation on one of our group sessions.

 

Alternatively if you would like to contact Neil to discuss making an appointment please call 07747 690 802 or email him at neil@b2bmanagement.org.uk .   Neil will not make any charge for the initial discussions.

 

RH Accreditation

 

Mediation Now is delighted to announce that another 2 lawyer-mediators have been awarded specialist status.  Rebecca Hawkins and Helen Savage are now both accredited members of the Law Society Family Mediation Panel, enabling them to offer publicly funded work (legal aid).

 

Locally there is a huge demand for mediation but not everyone is able to afford to pay privately.  This helps to close the gap for those clients who simply cannot afford to pay for family mediation, despite it being what they desperately need. 

 

These days there are all sorts of ways of achieving a civilised separation regardless of whether you are married or one of the growing number of couples who simply lived together, or unmarried parents who do not share a home?  Separation brings with it a lot of complicated and emotional challenges, and our mediators are specially trained to help in difficult times.  Most of our mediators are family lawyers with a long history of expertise in this field.

 

Mediation Now offers family and civil mediation across Hampshire and West Sussex with offices in Petersfield, Emsworth and North End.  They are also able to undertake work at other venues, by prior arrangement. 

 

Legal Aid

 

Local mediation service Mediation Now is proud to announce that they have been awarded a franchise from the Legal Services Commission for their work, having undergone a rigorous accreditation process. Over 400 firms applied nationally for the mediation quality mark, and only 10 firms were successful.

 

“We are very excited and by this development, which we have all worked hard to achieve” said Director Claire Webb. “Locally there is a huge demand for mediation but a lack of firms able to help those who cannot afford to pay privately.  This closes the gap for those who simply cannot afford to pay for something that could affect the rest of their lives.  We have had a huge number of enquiries from solicitors and other professionals already, who are unable to obtain full legal aid for their family clients unless and until they have tried mediation.”

 

“Typically without mediation a couple may try and battle it out themselves, or they may use solicitors who are keen to protect their clients’ interests, often forgetting about the ‘human’ face of disputes.  This can be incredibly stressful, not to mention costly” said Claire.

 

Mediation Now offers mediation in a variety of situations – in family disputes, in the civil arena, and in some circumstances for children caught in the crossfire of a divorce or separation.  Legal Aid is only available for family or child consultations.  “By using the mediation process, our clients said that they felt more in control of their own issues.  Remaining in control of your own life, rather than having someone impose a decision, can be enormously powerful, and in some cases it has restored communication between people who didn’t think that would be possible.”

 

Run by three well known local lawyers, Mediation Now covers Hampshire and West Sussex and can offer mediation at various locations convenient to clients.  Family mediation is free if you are in receipt of benefit or are on a low income.  If you would like to know more, visit www.mediation-now.co.uk or telephone 023 92 246725 for a brochure.

 

Learning to listen to the children

 

Mediation Now is delighted to announce that specialist family mediator Rebecca Todd has recently qualified as a child consultant, adding to the firms service list.  The process, used in divorce or separation, helps children to understand what will happen to them in the future.  It also helps reinforce the fact that parents can still work together to sort out the long term arrangement and can include a child’s views and feelings in that process.

 

Mediation Now is operated by solicitors who have years of experience in their respective fields and is aimed at those who want to resolve their disputes without the cost and distress of taking them to Court.

 

Child consultations can be useful in helping parents focus on their children, and not on the dispute. Rebecca says “statistics show that children feel completely isolated during their parents’ separation, and many are never consulted about arrangements that potentially have huge consequences for a child.  Parents very often underestimate the anxiety that children feel and these consultations, which are carried out in private and do not involve parents, enable children to ask questions and contribute ideas.  Central to this is the idea that the discussions are confidential – making the children feel important and valued, and in some cases at the child’s request, the parent might not be told what was discussed.  The crucial thing is that the child has someone to talk to in a safe and neutral environment, which can lead to a reduction in tension in the home”.  Parents have to give their initial consent to the private meetings taking place, and they have to commit to taking a non-punitive approach after the meeting, agreeing to try not to ‘force’ a child to report back to them.

 

Rebecca agrees that it is not suitable in all cases, and welfare issues have to be put first.  But for many children, a consultation of this kind will be the only chance they have to be heard.

 

Mediation Now also offers dispute resolution services in a variety of situations – for separating couples, in children cases, for employer or employees, for large company dispute or for matters such as boundary disputes.   Operating in a number of locations in Hampshire and West Sussex, it can offer a quick appointment.  For more information contact 01730 266605, email info@mediation-now.co.uk or visit www.mediation-now.co.uk

 

Decree Nicely

 

How can you have an amicable divorce - whilst blaming your spouse for the breakup?

 

Pop singer, Cheryl Cole's divorce from her England footballer husband Ashley would be "clean, swift, amicable and smooth" reported national newspapers earlier this summer. And yet the divorce papers filed on her behalf were said to cite the reason for the break-up of the marriage as being Ashley Cole's "unreasonable behaviour".

 

If Cheryl truly wanted an amicable and smooth divorce, Ashley may have wondered why irreconcilable differences or the like wasn't cited as the reason for the divorce. Few like to be accused of behaving so badly that their partner cannot ‘reasonably' be expected to live with them.

 

Divorce in England & Wales is based on a marriage having "broken down
irretrievably"

 

Following an unhappy marriage most couples just want to bring matters to an end swiftly, with dignity and respect. Unfortunately it is not possible to obtain a divorce based on "irreconcilable differences" in the divorce courts of England and Wales.

 

Divorce in England and Wales is based on a marriage having "broken down irretrievably". But there is a complication. The breakdown must be "proved" by using one of five "facts" laid down by the law. They are adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, two years' separation with consent and five years' separation without consent. Three of these methods - desertion, two & five years' separation - involve a considerable period of delay (at least two years) before a divorce is possible at all. Adultery can only be relied upon if it too has taken place, so a suspicion will not be sufficient.

 

As the latest published figures from the Office of National Statistics on divorce rates in England and Wales show, unreasonable behaviour is the most common ground for an immediate Divorce. This is not a new revelation but, it is one that has lead to many family law practitioners campaigning for the current divorce laws to be reformed. Research on the effects of divorce on children has shown that it is not the divorce, but the way divorce is dealt with that impacts on children the most. Minimizing emotional harm whether for the adults or children involved is an important priority.

 

To help them work through the legal, financial and practical issues arising from separation many couples are turning to the dispute resolution process known as Collaborative Family Practice. This process aims to minimise the emotional and financial costs of divorce.

 

Despite the fault-based divorce process, the approach of Collaborative Family Practice enables divorcing couple to meet their goal of achieving an amicable divorce.

 

I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebba Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

Unmarried but in need of legal help and don't know where to go? What Collaborative Family Lawyers can do for you

 

These days there are all sorts of ways of achieving a civilised divorce but what options exist for the growing number of couples who simply live together, or unmarried parents who do not share a home?

 

To whom can they turn for expert advice which won't result in them becoming embroiled in long drawn-out and often acrimonious legal proceedings?

Collaborative Family Practice is one of the best alternatives available for couples who wish to resolve the issues surrounding their divorce constructively and with the aim of minimising the stress & strain on their children, and wider family.

 

However, what is less well known is the fact that the same specially trained and accredited Collaborative professionals can also work with couples and
parents who are not married.

 

So what makes the collaborative approach so special? The essence of it is the realisation that focusing on the pain and unhappiness of the past, is not going to create a healthy foundation for the future. Arguing over the blame, is just that, an argument that is likely to go on and on.

 

The Collaborative approach helps couples to draw a line under past, emotional problems so that they can focus their energy on sorting out the most important issue, their futures. Being able to find closure and to move on with a sense of dignity and respect, is vital.

 

Rather than being caught in the middle of warring parents, the needs of any Children become the focal point. Parents see the benefit to their children of being able to maintain a sensible working relationship, and understanding each others feelings. The distress and potential long term harm to children can be minimised.

 

Be under no illusion, Collaborative is not a "soft" option, nor does it mean that everything is simply split 50:50. Facing emotional, practical and financial issues head on is never going to be the easy option. Listening to, and finding common ground with your "ex" is never going to be easy.

 

The Collaborative approach allows the couple concerned to express (in a supportive environment) how they feel and what in broad terms they hope to achieve for themselves and their family, post separation. Collaborative meetings are carefully structured by the professionals involved to achieve a positive outcome. Some couples will need immediate assistance from a Family Consultant (Counsellor/Psychotherapist) to resolve emotional or relationship issues, others may need Financial Experts to help them understand and unravel the finances. Collaborative Lawyers will work with the couple towards drawing together all the issues and with their expertise focused on helping to achieve a binding settlement for the future.


Feedback from couples who have been through the Collaborative process is excellent. I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

"How can I divorce with dignity late in life?"

 

Walt Disney's nephew, Roy and Patricia, his wife of 52 years, divorced at the age of 77 and 72 respectfully. A Spokesperson for the couple said that "This has been in the works for a long time. They've just decided to move forward with their lives".

 

30 years ago such a thing would have been unheard of; even 10 years ago it was rare in the UK divorce courts. But now late-life divorces are no longer so uncommon.

 

Whilst the current rate of divorce in England & Wales is at its lowest since 1981, the Office for National Statistics show that the proportion of divorces amongst the over 60s has increased.

 

Whether that's because a divorce has been "in the works for a long time" or some other reason, the issues for couples who divorce late in life are far ranging.

 

What issues arise for the couple who untie an old knot?

Helping a couple late in life, separate or divorce can be more complex than for the


younger couple who have invested less in their relationship. How to secure the best and/or protect a pension provision built up over a long marriage may not be straight forward.

 

The family home may by now be mortgage free, but its sale might not realise sufficient to re-house both. Financial independence may be a reality but the costs of living remain a mystery to the one who has never before had to manage a household budget.

 

"We were married for 47 years, and our goal was to end our marriage not destroy our family "


In addition to worries about financial security and management, the break up can bring on physical isolation for one or both parties as family and friends take sides and contact with children and grandchildren is adversely affected and even lost. Previous inheritance tax planning can be undermined by a divorce. Who will inherit in the absence of a spouse, and how might potential post death claims be avoided, are questions along with many others that have not previously been considered.

 

How might some of these issues be resolved with dignity?

 

Roy and Patricia Disney, choose the Collaborative Family Practice method to end their long marriage. By doing so they ensured that no attendance at Court was needed, all decisions were kept in their hands and their Collaborative Divorce remained confidential.

 

Most senior clients that I work with want to get through their divorce with their dignity intact, do what is best for their children and grandchildren, come up with a fair financial settlement with their spouse of many years, be able to attend family christenings, weddings and funerals and move on with the remainder of their lives.

 

The experience of a recently retired person was that "....Collaborative Law helped my wife and I to work together in difficult circumstances to resolve our differences respectfully, in private and without the threat court action. We were married for 47 years, and our goal was to end our marriage not destroy our family."


Collaborative lawyers work with Family Consultants, Counsellors & Psychotherapists, who help clients manage the emotions of divorce, and Financial Planners who are recognised as specialists in handling the complex financial issues that face divorcing couples. By working together the Collaborative "team" of professionals can help separating and divorcing couples of all ages find creative solutions to their issues at an affordable cost. Those solutions are crafted by the couple themselves with help and guidance, rather than dictated by a "one size fits all" solution from a divorce court. Which would you choose?

 

I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

Divorce and the Family Business

 

If you are part of a family business you know how important it is to stop the personal emotions affecting the business.

 

Divorce/separation are top stressors and if you or any of the other members of your team are going through this, it is very hard to keep the personal emotions from spilling over and harming the business interests.

 

There is a new way of divorcing which can help. It is called Collaborative Family Practice. It means you both work together with your lawyers to find the most satisfactory way of sorting out the financial consequences of a relationship breakdown.

 

In a traditional divorce the Judge and the lawyers have to work within the narrow Court regime on issues that the Courts have deemed important. In Collaborative Practice you are free to sort out the problems which are the most important to you and to try to find creative solutions which may be outside those that can be imposed by the Court.

 

Having four of you working together on a problem, with additional professional advisors as necessary, gets those creative juices flowing. You can come up with tailor made solutions to your specific problems.

 

Given the complex interrelationships in family businesses, Collaborative Family Practice is an ideal way to move forward without the hostility and bitterness often found in a traditional divorce. Other family members can contribute to the problem solving rather than taking sides. You can preserve peoples' dignity with the control they have over their own divorce and in turn, the reduction in animosity and bitterness means that the valued contributions of family members that otherwise might be lost can continue to add value to the business.

 

You may also be able to preserve the family business as a going concern, rather than having to sell it as a consequence of the divorce/separation, which might otherwise happen in a case disputed in Court.

 

Collaborative Practice can also be used for resolving business disputes, not just for divorces. I urge you to find out more about the practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Peterfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

The Better Divorce

 

January is traditionally the second busiest month for divorce lawyers; September is the busiest. It seems that spending too much holiday time with your nearest and dearest, especially when aggravated by alcohol and other festive indulgences can lead to separation rather than closeness.

 

No matter what you hear, divorce or separation are always stressful for the people involved. There is a new way of divorce which cannot eliminate stress but can certainly help reduce it and we hope that more people will consider it as the dignified way forward.

 

It is called the collaborative approach to divorce. It works by having a series of four- way meetings with the couple and their solicitors trying to reach a negotiated settlement. The four way discussion creates a more imaginative and tailor made solutions to their own problems, rather than having the Court impose solutions on you. There are none of the nasty letters flying between the lawyers which often cause more anger and increase the costs in an adversarial divorce.

 

Each person has the support, protection and guidance of his or her own lawyer and together the lawyers and the parties meet to discuss all of the issues that the parties believe need to be addressed. The lawyers agree that they are there to help the parties resolve those issues constructively and that they are not there to take the case to Court. The lawyers are prevented from taking the case to Court.

 

This encourages open communication and information sharing so as to let people negotiate a mutually accepted settlement without using the Court. It also means that the couple can concentrate on the issues that are most important to them, and not the ones that the law deems to be important. Solutions can be agreed between the couple that suit them, rather than the couple having to fit into a decision imposed upon them by a Judge.

 

You can see how useful this would be if you need to sort out details about horses or pets and at the other end of the scale, if you are in partnership or business together. Creative solutions may enable you to keep the business going without causing undue hardship to either the couple themselves, or their employees and wider family members.

 

The couple might want to use a team of people. Oftentimes there are divorce coaches/counsellors involved to help a couple (either individually or together) work through their emotional or communication difficulties as well as IFAs and accountants to assist with financial information and planning for the future. Mediators or child specialists may be involved to help sort out issues about their children for example.

 

The process came to England about four years ago and it is really taking off. The more people hear about it the more they want to take this dignified way forward. It provides a much better role model for the children than the old adversarial approach; it helps couples who are involved in businesses or work in partnerships together to separate without adversely impacting on their business and it gives back control for the couple which otherwise they hand over to the Court.

 

I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

Will My Finances Survive My Divorce?

 

This week has been deemed "Collaborative Week" by family lawyers who are raising awareness of collaborative law as a modern, constructive and respectful method of resolving disputes. Today collaborative family lawyers are asking separating couples who are concerned about whether their finances will survive their divorce to consider a collaborative divorce.

 

Savings and investment products have never been more complex than they are today. Money can be held in a wide range of investment vehicles with different tax treatments. Your savings may range from old policies with complex guarantees to new investments incorporating derivatives and hedge fund strategies. Personal finance is rarely straightforward and as separating couples embark on a divorce, they often wonder "Will my finances survive my divorce?"


The factors that have the most impact on whether you end up with a fair settlement that has protected and maximised your wealth include;

 

• The willingness of both parties to fully disclose all financial information
• The ability of all parties to assess the true value of the assets held
• Understanding how assets can best be split to suit your individual future

financial goals and agreeing a mutually beneficial split of assets

 

With Collaborative Family Practice, both parties agree to make decisions that suit you and your family. This process of working together as a team, in a respectful manner and with open communication means that all finances are fully disclosed and time can be spent to make sure that the value of the assets is fully understood.

 

You each work with collaborative family lawyers who have access to financial planners who are qualified divorce specialists. These financial planners are able to act in a neutral capacity and help both parties fully understand more complicated investments and ensure that you maximise your post-divorce wealth and avoid expensive mistakes.

 

They can also help divorcing couples make positive financial plans for the future and ensure that the finances are separated not just in a fair way, but in a manner that helps both achieve their future financial goals.


I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

Does my divorce mean I'm a failure?

 

This question hits a very raw nerve for many people facing divorce. Marriage, we were always taught, is for life - otherwise why bother getting married? So when it doesn't last a lifetime, it seems someone must be to blame. "Maybe it's me. Maybe I should have spoken up earlier. Maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I was too passive, too bossy, too preoccupied. Maybe I'm just useless at relationships." Sound familiar?

 

There are all kinds of other mishaps in life that we easily forgive ourselves for, but the prospect of divorce can press all our self-blame buttons. Why?

I recently conducted some research into what marriage means to us, and discovered that it cuts across all the key reference points we use for conceptualising our world and our place within it. It contributes to our understanding of ourselves and others in legal, moral, emotional, political and developmental terms. You don't even have to like or approve of marriage for it to hold this level of impact. In fact, not liking it indicates its power just as much as liking it does.

 

Now, if we take just one of those domains - moral - and remind ourselves that our cultural history is steeped with the notion that marriage is good - so divorce, therefore, is bad - it instantly becomes clear why your divorce is making you feel you're suddenly living on the wrong side of the tracks, whether it was your choice or not. This is a feeling, remember, not a thought. Rationally you may know the relationship was irreparable, going nowhere, over. But this isn't enough to dispel those gnawings of primitive, reactive guilt and sense of failure.

 

It might surprise you to know that Collaborative Practice takes all this into account. Whether the person you're working with is a Family Consultant (Counsellor/Psychotherapist), a lawyer or a financial adviser, we'll be listening to what's happened, how you feel about it and what you need, but never judging you. Those moralising days are long gone. Our holistic interdisciplinary approach just focuses on helping you achieve whatever it is you need to build the best future for your children, yourself and your ex, emotionally, practically and financially.

 

It can be a tough challenge, but if by working together we can keep your divorce out of court, that's a success, not a failure.

 

I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting Rebecca Hawkins. There are a number of specially trained collaborative lawyers in Petersfield who are willing and able to assist you. We are organised into a group known as the Portsmouth and South Downs pod. Full details can be found on the website www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk.

 

 

Resolving disputes – learning to talk again

 

Lawyers and other professionals gathered at Chimes Brasserie last week for the launch of Mediation Now, a new firm specialising in dispute resolution.

 

Founded by Claire Webb, Michael McCredie and Rebecca Todd, all well known local lawyers Mediation Now will be operated by solicitors who have years of experience in their respective fields, Mediation Now is aimed at those who want to resolve their disputes without the cost and distress of taking it to Court.

 

mediation now - left to right: Rebecca Todd, Michael McCredie and Claire Webb

 

Said Claire “we know that the public have an image of solicitors as just in it for themselves, possibly running up costs as much as they can. We want to get away from this and encourage clients to think about resolving their disputes themselves – by using mediation they stay in control and make all the decisions about issues that matter to them, as only they know what is right for their circumstances. All three of us are passionate about letting our clients regain and retain control of their own lives, as we have witnessed the devastating effect that a separation or similar problem can have”.

 

Mediation Now can offer dispute resolution services in a variety of situations – for separating couples, in children cases, for employer or employees, for large company dispute or for matters such as boundary disputes. Operating in a number of locations in Hampshire and West Sussex, it can offer a quick appointment. For more information contact 01243 377426, email info(at)mediation-now.co.uk or visit www.mediation-now.co.uk